Earworm: Hardware Store

I have a small earworm that is making this week’s commutes a little easier. It shuffled up on my iPod during Monday evening’s drive, and I’ve used it for the last couple of days.

 

 

“Hardware Store” by Weird Al Yankovic, from the album “Poodle Hat” (2003)

 

The video above was created by YouTube user Dav3C. There is no official music video, and Weird Al refuses to play this song in concert due to the rapid-fire description of “all that stuff” in the store. Nevertheless, it’s a fun song.

They’ve got allen wrenches, gerbil feeders, toilet seats, electric heaters
Trash compactors, juice extractors, shower rods and water meters
Walkie-talkies, copper wires, safety goggles, radial tires
BB pellets, rubber mallets, fans and dehumidifiers
Picture hangers, paper cutters, waffle irons, window shutters
Paint removers, window louvers, masking tape and plastic gutters
Kitchen faucets, folding tables, weather stripping, jumper cables
Hooks and tackle, grout and Spackle, power foggers, spoons and ladles
Pesticides for fumigation, high-performance lubrication
Metal roofing, waterproofing, multi-purpose insulation
Air compressors, brass connectors, wrecking chisels, smoke detectors
Tire gauges, hamster cages, thermostats and bug deflectors
Trailer hitch demagnetizers, automatic circumcisers
Tennis rackets, angle brackets, Duracells and Energizers
Soffit panels, circuit breakers, vacuum cleaners, coffee makers
Calculators, generators, matching salt and pepper shakers

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A Little Humor For Your Day

Today's funny bit from my inbox.  Thanks to Mary Clo for the smile.

Top Ten Complaints From Dogs
 

#1: Blaming your farts on me: not funny…not funny at all!

#2: Yelling at me for barking: I'M A DAMN DOG!

#3: Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out: Exactly whose walk is this anyway?

#4: Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose: Stop it!

#5: Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons: Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home.

#6: The slight of hand, fake fetch throw: You fooled a dog! Woo-hoooooooo! What a proud moment for the top of the food chain!

#7: Taking me to the vet for 'the big snip', then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back!

#8: Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests: Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.

#9: Dog sweaters: Hello? Haven't you noticed the fur?

#10: How you act disgusted when I lick myself: Look, we both know the truth. You're just jealous.

Now lay off me on some of these things. We both know who's boss here! You don't see me picking up your poop do you?

From the Inbox

Fresh from today’s inbox:

There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker stepped up next to me, grabbed my drink and gulped it down in one swig.

“Well, whatcha’ gonna do about it?” he said menacingly as I burst into tears.

“Come on, man,” the biker said. “I didn’t think you’d cry. I can’t stand to see a man crying.”

“This is the worst day of my life,” I said. “I’m a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don’t have any insurance.   I left my wallet in the cab I took home.  I found my wife with another man and then my dog bit me.

 “So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all, I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve; then you show up and drink the whole thing! But enough about me, how’s your day going?”

E-mail Gone Rogue

You know, I’ve had my e-mail address since 2004. In all those years, I’ve never known it to do anything rash or crazy. Now I find out that it’s going out after dark and playing the lotto in England…

(Click the picture for full size)

Spammers really need to try harder.  Of course, the tech-savvy are not their target audience.